The concept of divorce mediation has proliferated in America in the last thirty years as divorcing parties have realized that divorce court should be an option of last resort. divorce mediation supports the decision making of the people whose lives are actually affected by the decisions and allows divorcing individuals a sense of control of the outcome IF it is done right.
Divorce mediation is a delicate process. Here are some things you should know:
Divorce Mediation Defined:
Just because you resolve your differences outside of court does not mean you are engaging in divorce mediation. Mediation is a process where a neutral facilitator guides a couple through decision making around legal, emotional and financial issues that must be resolved in a divorce. Most divorce cases resolve outside of a court room in settlement conferences, collaborative divorce of formal settlement proposals via letters between legal counsel. Couples need to understand that divorce mediation is not the only way to resolve their differences outside of court. Many will be better served by a process where they have legal counsel actively engaged which usually does not occur in Mediation.
Balance of Power:
Too much power on one side of the table creates an unsafe environment. The power could be due to the marital dynamic, control of financial resources of access to information. A skilled divorce mediator will recognize the power imbalance together with the dynamic creating it and set out to level the playing field.
Safe Container:
Lack of a safe container leaves couples feeling lost in the ambiguity of a complicated decision-making process set a midst a legal dispute. A skilled divorce mediator will insure the couple is constantly apprised of where they are in the process, next steps in the process, homework assignments to be completed and time-lines for their completion and maintain an awareness for the parties of the legal process they are engaging in.
The Mediator:
Divorce mediation is a process that can be taught. What cannot be taught is the human dynamic that occurs during the process. The New York State Council on Mediation has been Accrediting members since 1986; it is important to engage a mediator with experience and training specific to divorce.
Costs:
Beware the flat fee divorce mediation. It is an unfair expectation to set a client up for. Often the professional will reach the extent of the time they have allocated for the flat fee and ask for more money or begin to dis-engage and abandon the parties before the divorce mediation process has been completed.
This information is not intended to be a substitute for individualized legal advice. Please consult your legal advisor regarding your specific situation.
Lou Falvo is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® and CIMA® (Certified Investment Management Analyst) who assists clients by evaluating the tax and financial aspects of divorce. Lou is dedicated to reducing the burden of each client by thoroughly examining the financial elements of the client’s divorce, with a keen focus on what is in his or her best interests.