A lot of us have experienced it or at least witnessed this phenomenon.
You look around and you’re the last married couple in your social circle or there suddenly seems like more moving vans on the block than usual. Or maybe you’ve been working at the same company for a few years and all of your previously married coworkers are now single.
Which might lead you to wonder…is divorce contagious?
This actually makes sense. Groups of couples often meet and become friends because the kids go to the same schools or have other things in common. Similar income and wealth levels are also a factor in most friendships. As children grow and begin leaving the nest, the urge to “stay together for the kids” gives way to “I must take care of my own happiness.”
A group of families can very easily find themselves in this position all at the same time. Once the first couple calls it quits the remaining members of the group get a glimpse into just how divorces happen and what life looks like on the other side.
Is the grass really greener?
Fear of the unknown is a big reason why some people hesitate to get divorced. Will I be able to maintain my lifestyle? Will I have to go back to work even though I’ve stayed home with the kids for years? How will this affect my retirement? What about the house? The kids? What will my family think?
However, as friends or family navigate the divorce process and transition to life after, the process might seem less daunting. The shared experience serves to remove ambiguity. Suddenly the divorce process itself and life as a single person seem less frightening and a Divorce Bubble pops.
What do you think?
Because there is a study about everything for everything you might be interested in an academic paper titled Breaking Up is Hard to Do, Unless Everyone Else is Doing it Too: Social Network Effects on Divorce in a Longitudinal Sample.
The title of the paper may lead you to assume findings are supportive of divorce contagion, but we find other interesting data from the study including a possible suggestion on how to better a marriage. The abstract states the goal “to explore how social networks influence divorce and vice versa.”
“Divorce is a collective phenomenon that extends beyond those directly affected.” Friends and family may be called upon for emotional support during the process. In some cases, the still married couples are placed in the middle and asked to choose sides. Surprisingly the paper finds “attending to the health of friends’ marriages may serve to support and enhance the durability of one’s own relationship.”
However…
Data show clusters of divorce extending to two degrees of separation in a social network. In other words, a person’s tendency to divorce depends not just on a friend’s divorce status, but also extends to friends’ friends. A divorced friend or family member who lives hundreds of miles away may have as much influence on risk of divorce as one who lives next door.
According to the study “People who have a divorced friend are 270% more likely to divorce themselves.” Coupled with previous research concluding daughters of divorced parents are 70% more likely to divorce themselves I think we have our answer.
DIVORCE IS CONTAGIOUS!
This information is not intended to be a substitute for individualized legal advice. Please consult your legal advisor regarding your specific situation.
Lou Falvo is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® and CIMA® (Certified Investment Management Analyst) who assists clients by evaluating the tax and financial aspects of divorce. Lou is dedicated to reducing the burden of each client by thoroughly examining the financial elements of the client’s divorce, with a keen focus on what is in his or her best interests. Contact Lou to find out how he can assist you with your divorce proceedings at lfalvo@crossroadsdivorce.com or (585) 542-2382.